The Most Boinga Post Ever

Boinga!

Boinga!

Unfortunately, having a baby around means that I often find myself watching shows such as “The Backyardigans”.  As someone who has, since I was very young, considered myself pretty in touch with music and appreciative of true musicians, I am strangely compelled by much of the music found in these shows.  For every ten terrible songs, there’s one or two good ones that are so catchy you’d never believe it.  But if you dig deep enough, you’ll find some interesting lyrics hidden within.  Lately, I’ve had several Backyardigans songs in my head, but one of them, the Alicia Keys’ backed “Almost Everything Is Boinga Here” has got me a little worried.  Let’s examine:     

Austin: Boinga’s a word we don’t understand.
Mommy Martian: Well, words are different in Martian Land.
Pablo: Well, we don’t know your language yet.
Austin: Maybe you could teach us?
Mommy Martian: Sure, you bet.
Baby Boinga: Boinga!

Mommy Martian: Almost everything is boinga here,
Just in case you hadn’t heard.
Almost everything is boinga here,
It’s the Martians’ favorite word.

Uniqua: Do you call these hands?
Mommy Martian: Nope, we call them boinga!
Austin: Do you use pots and pans?
Mommy Martian: Yup, we call them boinga!
Baby Boinga: Boinga!

Pablo: We wear hats on our heads.
Mommy Martian: Really? We wear boinga!
Uniqua: Do you guys sleep in beds?
Mommy Martian: Nope, we sleep in boinga!
Pablo: Hey!
Austin: That’s good.

Mommy Martian: Do your birds say boinga?
Uniqua: No, our birds say tweet!
Mommy Martian: Do your flowers smell boinga?
Pablo: No, they just smell sweet!
Mommy Martian: Do you walk on your boinga?
Austin: No, we walk on our feet!
Mommy Martian: Do you sit on your boinga?
Uniqua: No, we sit on our seat!

Baby Boinga: Boinga! Boinga!

Pablo: You certainly use that word a lot.
Mommy Martian: Well, it means a lot of things, so why not?
Austin: Is there anything boinga doesn’t mean?
Mommy Martian: Well maybe there is but not that I’ve seen.
Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin: Almost everything is boinga here.
Mommy Martian: We boinga all boinga long.
Baby Boinga: Boinga!

Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin: Almost everything is boinga here.
Mommy Martian: So we boinga this boinga song.
Baby Boinga: Boinga!
Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin:Boinga this boinga
Mommy Martian: Boinga!
Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin:Boinga this boinga
Mommy Martian: Boinga!
Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin:This boinga song!
Mommy Martian: Boinga!
Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin:Boinga this boinga
Mommy Martian: Boinga!
Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin: Boinga this boinga
Baby Boinga: Boinga! Boinga! Boinga!

Alright. So let’s take a closer look at few lines, shall we?  Let’s start with this one: “We boinga all boinga long.”  Aside from the fact that – I promise you – way too many dirty-minded people are going to interpret this as  “we f#@% all night long,” partly because “boinga” sounds a lot like “boing,” which is colloquially used as a cleaner version of “screw,” it proves that the word “boinga” is both a noun and a verb.  Once we concede that Martians use “boinga” as a univeral verb and a universal noun, it contradicts earlier sentences.  

Shouldn’t “Do your birds say boinga?” be “Do your boinga say boinga?” Actually, given the verb, shouldn’t it be “Do your boinga boinga boinga?”   Shouldn’t that whole verse be mostly “boingas?”  In fact, why is the word “do” allowed? “Boinga your boinga boinga boinga” just doesn’t make a lot of sense.  Stupid Martians. 

Let’s assume that we can get over Mommy Martian’s arbitrary use of the word boinga as a replacement for some words but not others.  Why would Martians refer to Mars as “Martian Land?” Have you ever refered to our planet as “Earthling Land?” Of course, because it’s just weird

Also, the Martian Mommy seems awfully fluent in English, and yet, she doesn’t know what birds say or how flowers smell.  She can sing an impromptu song, but appears entirely unaware of the words “sweet,” “feet,” “seat,” or “tweet.”   

Also, do you find it a smidge naive that Austin and Pablo seem to believe that they are capable of learning the native language in “Martian Land” in the course of one 2 minute song?  …and do?

This is the line that kills me: “So we boinga this boinga song.”  Please! You can’t convince me that many young moms and dads don’t hear “So we sing this fuckin’ song.” 

Who said childrens’ songs were boring?

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