These are professional athletes. Their job is to entertain us by being absurdly good at playing a sport, and they get paid a tremendous amount of money to do so. I don’t buy into the whole “let’s preserve the integrity of human accomplishment” nonsense. We expect our corporations to drive more profits each year, so we should expect our athletes to drive more runs each year. We don’t care how they do it.

If the athletes don’t like it, they can find a job that doesn’t require them to push their bodies to extreme levels of physical performance. Many professional football players can hardly walk by 55, and they played before such drugs were popular. These occupations are inherently hazardous to their health, and that’s why they make a lot of money.

Put some sperm in a freezer just in case, pump yourself full of testosterone, go out there and entertain us! Go sell hamburgers, beer, and sneakers. Break your bat over your head and roar after hitting a 600-foot home run. That’s good-old American fun.