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Haven't thought this out too much, but here's the gist of it:
Richard Alpert, Charles Widmore and "Jacob" were passengers on The Black Rock, and for some reason, are unable to die. John Locke and Michael were also passengers on the same ship, but again - for an unknown reason, they are in some sort of time loop or reincarnation cycle so that they don't realize who they are. We know Michael can't be killed. And it looks increasingly like Locke can't either - he survived as a premie, despite the odds, he fell 8 stories and survived, and was shot by Ben. Locke may even BE Jacob, but it's irrelevant, the point is, the survivors of The Black Rock are duking it out for control of the island. Not sure what to make of Christian Shepherd just yet - he may be another passenger on the Black Rock, but I think it's more likely he's just the form Jacob is currently taking, or possibly the form future- or past-Locke as Jacob is taking. Also, I don't think Ben is a passenger. If he was, he would not be so helpless now. No, he knows the backstory, and realizes "his time" is not only over, but it never really existed.
I suspect it will eventually be revealed that Widmore is both Magnus and Alvar Hanso.
I'm just piecing this stuff together on assumption, not proof. But I think we'll see some serious stuff revealed soon, because these types of reveals won't explain much, and yet, will explain everything. Is Locke's mother "Emily" the same woman as Ben's mother "Emily"? Is Christian Shepherd more than a hallucination? Does "moving the island" mean moving it geographically? Or will all of this be revealed to circumnavigate the bendiness of time?
Because that's where all of this is going. Time is the key, and if time is pliable and actually bent, nothing is certain. It explains how Richard Alpert is everywhere, he can go back later and be right on time. It's how Ben is so powerful. It's eventually going to explain Adam and Eve, Christian's empty casket, Desmond's flashbacks, etc.
It's all very exciting.
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Must the judges continue to lick David Archuleta's balls after every single song this "Aw shucks!" nerd delivers? His silky smooth voice hasn't found its niche, except perhaps as a second rate Michael Buble/Josh Groban. Archie never met a run he didn't like, I can't remember the last time I heard the dude sing a melody. Is he so "cute" and non-sexually threatening that no one dares critique his completely boring adult contemporary ballads lest he not become a marketing machine to pander to 14 year old girls? Yuck.
The reason I think this season stinks is because through the entire season, I have only had one "gave me chills" performance: David Cook's take on Lionel Ritchie's "Hello." Everything else pales in comparison.
Usually, there are songs that make me shut up and songs that can give me pause as I think "this is awesome." There were several great moments - I loved Carly's "Crazy On You," and I really dug Jason Castro's "Hallelujah." Many will rally for some of Chikeze's performance during Beatles week, but for me, I can count the "Wow, cool!" moments on one hand, and the "gave me chills" moments number just one. And while Syesha gets better and Cook solidifies his fan base, tweenage girls everyone should prepare to be let down by AI7 Idol winner David Archuletta's utterly dismal first album.
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EW.com is running a piece on possible changes to American Idol. American Idol is - as we speak - jumping the shark. Everyone is trying to predict why. I'm going to give you all the reasons right now.
## 1 ##
First and foremost, as Howard Stern said in his broadcast yesterday, too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Idol used to be one hour for the contest, 30 minutes for results. This season, it was 2 hours for the performances, 1 hour for results. The results shows are way too long, way too cheesy, the divisions are contrived, the call-taking is stupid, the banter is obnoxious and worthless, and the results are purposely not revealed until the last 2 minutes. In the beginning of the season, it aired thrice a week in 2 hour specials, requiring a SIX hour commitment. And most of the funny "bad" auditions are now from actors trying to be bad to get on TV, making it mostly worthless. Recently, the performance shows have slowly scaled back in time, but should just be performances. Which leads me to...
## 2##
The guest judges are mostly worthless. It used to be they were actual judges. Now they are "coaches." But those bits are worthless to me, because I'm judging the singing, not the singer, and the producers are making the contestants into people, thereby making the show a popularity contest. That means the winner is not the best singer (as evidenced by Carly's recent ouster), but rather, the one who inspires the most phone calls. And since it's mostly younger people calling and texting, the winner is really just whomever 14 year old girls like, explaining the continued success of the entirely mediocre, completely clumsy "Close-eye" Archuletta, a semi-decent singer who continues to receive over-lauded praise for completely average performances, frequent lip-licking, and lots of awkward laughing. Time to return the general themes like "the 1990s" or "country" or even "anything at all written in this decade." But instead, we get "Mariah Carey." Yuck. You do not need a special coach every week. In fact, I'd like to see a singer sing something like they might release. I don't see most guys singing Mariah Carey songs on their albums. Certainly Andrew Lloyd Webber was a fun coach, but what does being able to - or not being able to - sing his music have to do with being a deserving Idol?
## 3 ##
The judges are completely worthless, even Simon. The judges ought to offer CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Unfortunately, this is what we typically get:
Randy: "It was only a-iiight fah me, dawg. It was only a-iiight. It was pitchy in the front, but you kinda worked it out in the middle, I don't know if it was your best performance."
Paula: "Blah blah blah, I'm @#% crazy and make no sense. You look pretty. Blah blah blah."
Simon: "Dreadful."
Entirely worthless. I can't remember the last time I heard something like "you need to focus on annuciating better" or "you should try listening to the words of the song a little closer to get a better connection." How about "You project really well. I'd like to hear some power in your higher notes though"? The judges should be wholesale replaced. They all are completely and totally tired, boring, and empty. They do no good. Their only job, it appears, is to pimp the producers' predestined candidate.
## 4 ##
Stop allowing unlimited votes. Period. Limit it to 10 votes per number. Or 1 vote per household. Or 2 texts per phone. Something, anything, to prevent speed dialing tween girls from monopolizing the vote. I know, I know, they are your target, since they are the only ones dumb enough to buy your pre-packaged, vanilla, over styled, dumbed down package you'll eventually call the Idol, but you condescend to us and we lose interest. We all know when someone has been chosen by the producers to fail and when someone has been blessed by Mr. Lythgoe to succeed.
## 5 ##
Last but not least, get rid of your silly "mosh-pit." The screaming and over-abundance of teenagers just reminds me, and a large part of your audience, that we are not your target, and we should really be moving on to a new channel IINS.
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Somehow, I'm embarassed to admit, I got sucked into watching VH1's Celebrity Fit Club this weekend. Normally, I find the show to be an uninteresting train wreck. Over Christmas break, a few of us were sitting around in front of the TV and I caught several episodes in a row where Dustin Diamond, the guy who played Screech on Saved By the Bell, mouthed off to the drill seargant and got himself the title of "bad boy." To make a long story short, he became a pain the ass by continuing to eat cheeseburgers and generally annoy everyone throughout the "season." He also made a very loud and obnovious point to pimp his sex tape - yes, seriously - at every opportunity.
Fast forward to this weekend, when they are airing "Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp." In some weird twist, they have "brought back" some previous contestants (read: cheap Omarosa-style publicity stunt) to revisit the Fit Club. Now, unlike a show like The Biggest Loser, where contestants work out, eat healthy, live on set, and lose up to 12 to 15 lbs or more each week, these celebutards are given fluff goals like 1 or 2 lbs to lose each week, and they routinely fail because it's a joke: they show up for a day or two each week, they eat whatever the hell they want, regularly talking about how they fell short, and admit to working out a day or two each week. It's not a "fit club," it's a few attention-starved chunky idiots who can't stick to a diet.
Anyway, leave it to worthless Dustin Diamond to start his princess behavior again. After carrying on, he let the "drill seargant" get to him when he quit...again. He quit one challenge before it started. He quit another when he claimed to be "out of lung capacity." Then he skimped on a third the WWE "Divas" hosted. He claims they pushed him too hard and then, when the drill seargant said he wanted the WWE Divas to kick his butt, he suggested he couldn't be a party to an illegal threat of violence.
But the part that kills me is how Diamond is suggesting that he's being targetted because he's Jewish and not because he's en effing pansy. He's a whiny, arrogant, big fat baby and he acts like a spoiled child who needs to be shipped off to military school. Every insult - for which these shows are known! - prompts a phone call to his lawyer or to his "manager" (aka his wife). It has nothing to do with being Jewish, Dustin, it has to do with being a grade A douche bag.
Dustin Diamond is effing worthless. He, much like the previously mentioned Omarosa, should never be allowed on TV again. Reality TV may be the crack of programming, but there are some people who are best left completely ignored. Dustin Diamond is one of them.
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Is it possible that Widmore is the developer of a large scale weapon (the black smoke) and that Benjamin Linus is not the enemy we all have envisioned, but rather, a wary do-gooder hippie type afraid that Widmore will destroy the island in the process? Could Ben be protecting the island? Is it possible that his secrecy is because he knows that anyone, anywhere, under any circumstance, could be a Widmore spy?
If Ben knew and understood the evil of Widmore, he might not trust ANY of the Losties. In fact, if this were the case, imagine the big reveal when we find out that one of our own is, and always has been, a Widmore spy! What if it were revealed that Bernard or Juliet or Sawyer was undercover the whole time? Better yet - Sun's father has worked with Widmore, Jin works for him... could Jin be the one?
Ben seems to have some evil ways, but if he knew that someone intended to purge the island to resume development of the greatest weapon the world has ever known, he might be suspicious of everyone - even in his own camp before the crash of 815.
Here are some random mysteries that need further explanation: the 4 toed statue, Richard Alpert not aging, the Hostiles pre-Dharma, "The List," Jacob, Walt, the Dharma project and all of its research, The Black Rock and why Widmore wanted it, who Alvar Hanso is, who Tovard Hanso is, who Magnus Hanso is, their connection to the island, how Lenny (the guy who shared the numbers with Hurley) got off the island how Libby factored into everyone's life, why Kate says Aaron is her son, and about 200 others.
We've got a long way to go, but slowly, things are beginning to unravel.
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So the Writers Guild is on strike, and scripted TV has a definite drop dead point. All of your favorite shows are just burning off their remaining episodes and then: nuttin'. Reality TV, game shows, and good, old fashioned reruns.
So, I've started cutting back on some TV. First to go: Las Vegas. Las Vegas had a good run a few years ago, but now it's just trash. The scripts suck, the interaction is infantile, the characters are flat and pointless and often annoying, and the premise is so fatally flawed it's laughable. Also, I wish somebody would shoot Delinda already, she's the most annoying character on TV. So Las Vegas got the boot from our DVR.
Next is Grey's Anatomy. Admittedly, this one is primarily due to my wife - I would have dropped this show mid-way through season 2 if it wasn't for her. In the meantime, the show is absolutely horrible. Meredith is the whiniest, second-most annoying character on television, and needs a good slap in the face. George is lame, and Izzie is utterly annoying ever since the "I ate an entire tub of butter" speech from last season. Christina is cold and uninteresting, the Chief is one dimensional, Callie is a mess. In fact, the only characters I don't absolutely despise are Sloan and Bailey, but they are pretty much relegated to minor side-roles.
By all accounts, everything about Prison Break should disqualify is from my like-list. It's got plot holes so big you could walk in, dance a jig, have a drink, smoke a cigarette, and walk out with no one noticing. The entire premise is silly and should never have lasted longer than one season, if that. And yet, I'm addicted. Despite the fact that a company who knows no limit on spending, rather than simply buying a man out of a corrupt prison with totally corrupt guards in a foreign country, would rather find a wily fugitive, track him down, put him into said prison, let him devise an escape plan in 4 days and pray he gets your man out. Did they not realize it took Michaels many months, along with what surely was several thousand dollars in tattoos, to break out of Fox River? But alas, I love it. Even though it's got plot twists for the sole sake of screwing with the viewers, I dig it.
Heroes was losing it until recently and the House staff shakeup is getting a little tiring. In my opinion, the best show I now watch is Criminal Minds on Wednesday nights. It's not even close to my favorite. I prefer The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Howard Stern weekly sneak peek on Mojo... hmmm.... all shows that are primarily improv!
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Ok, so the first 8 episodes of Heroes were mostly a letdown, but -- oh boy! - did tonight's episode, entitled "Four Months Ago" make up for it! It explained everything, perhaps a little too late, but actually had a good, solid, believable explanation for things.
Peter's "amnesia?" This "Elle" character? Nathan and the burn-faced dude? Niki and her crazy antics? The "twins"? Everything -- explained!
Tim Kring, well done. Now - please!! - keep it up.
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I'm not the only one wondering where the heck the excitement is with the TV show Heroes. Entertainment Weekly's TV Watch has been tearing it up lately. They directed me towards a "Heroes" feature article that was recently posted. Last season, I was vocal about where "Heroes" succeeded and failed. This year, of course, is no different.
Heroes, where it was cool last year, is just dull this year. We have several storylines, but none are advancing with any meaningful devices. Let's examine:
* Mohinder is working with HRG to infiltrate the company. He gives them Molly, and they... uh... lie her down in a bed.
* Nicki is working with the company because... uh... I have no idea. They want to help her, or something, but I don't know what they've done other than make her a bit of a bodyguard.
* The "twins" are the most hated new characters - the Paulo and Nicky of "Heroes," I think - but I find the whole power between them kind of interesting. Too bad their "coming to America" plotline has gone on about 4 weeks too long.
* Sylar lost his power for unknown reasons we'll likely never be told, but is still so ridiculously and obviously evil its comical.
* Micah is still a complete tool who is way too positive for a 12 year old and is still using his powers for... nothing in particular -- hacking pay-per-view and stuff.
* Monica has a "photographic muscle memory ," and one of the first things she does is pick up from supporting her family and go to New York to "train," no doubt leaving her family hungry.
* Peter is the least convincing of all. I know if I had amnesia and woke up and found my entire life in a box, I'd probably ditch my whole life for a 50% cute chick and not bother Googling my name. That way I would never have to find out that my brother is a New York state senator. Also, I wouldn't suspect there's an interesting back story with the FIRE THAT SHOOTS FROM MY HANDS.
* Matt Parkman is professionally annoying and is creepily attached to a little girl he's known for 36 seconds.
* Nathan Petrelli is a drunkard; apparently, senators don't do publicity and no one recognizes him.
* Claire is kinda hot and actually has the most convincing storyline, along with her a-hole friend West, who behaves more like a real person than anuone else in the entire show.
* HRG has suddenly decided the best way to hide is to trek around the world and murder his ex-mentor in order to find the paintings that show his demise. When he finds them, he can't make heads or tails of them.
* Someone sent Veronica Mars after Peter, but she didn't find him in the first 10 seconds, so they recalled her. Haven't seen her since.
* Who can forget Hiro, who has the silliest story of all. He goes back in time and finds a nasty drunkard theif, who, despite the fact that he's known a Japanese girl for about a day, goes to the enemy when Hiro kisses her. Lame, get Hiro back to present day. Anyway, if I could bend time, even though I went back to ancient Japan, wouldn't you just return to the present when you finally do come back so there is no "gap" when you're missing??
Heroes had better coalesce quickly, because it's currently just wandering aimlessly. Once your story is just filling time, which I think this one is, you've losing people's interests. The fact is that this story is creeping along at a snail's pace in order to fill a season. Viewers don't appreciate that.
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Every season or so, I change my DVR to record a different sitcom for late night viewing - a show I watch as I fall asleep. Previous sitcoms include Seinfeld, King of Queens, The Simpsons, Frasier, and Newsradio. Recently, I went back to Friends. Like most of the above shows, I watched Friends when it was on, but a few years ago I felt like I had seen them all too many times, so I removed it from the Tivo. I just phased it back in and I'm puzzled by one question:
How the hell did Ross get such good looking girls? We all know he ended up with Rachel, so let's start there. Um... WHAT? You're telling me that the best Rachel, who, by this point, was a succesful lady in the fashion world, could do was... Ross? One look at this twit in his eighties college getup, one earful of his horrible organ music, and any self-respecting woman would run.
Ross may have ended up with Rachel, but shortly after he got her pregnant, he somehow attracted the gorgeous Mona? Mona only dumped his ass after he lied about his marriage history, lied about Rachel's pregnancy, and then asked his pregnant ex-wife to move in to his apartment. Rightfully... thankfully... she dumped him and went back into the dating pool to date someone more on her level. Mona was a lot of fun and a good sport, too, so Ross had no business dating her.
When Ross took a pregnant Rachel shopping for baby furniture, Katie, upon learning that he liked dinosaurs, said he reminded her of Indiana Jones. She then shamelessly came to his house and asked him out on a date. Even when she learned that he lived with Rachel, she was still interested. Did I mention she was played by the stunning Rena Sofer? Man, this was the biggest break from reality ever attempted on friends.
Somehow, goofy-ass Ross managed to land Elizabeth, a witty college student whose father was Bruce Willis. Elizabeth was also loads of fun, and she was even in that college-age mynx stage. Too bad Ross was such a limp moron and didn't just enjoy this affair while it lasted.
Inexplicably, Ross managed to land Bonnie, played by Christine Taylor. God only knows why this girl would go for whiny, annoying Ross, but apparently, she found his dinosaur tales amusing, or something.
We mustn't leave out Emily, who Ross married -- well, until he spouted off Rachel's name at their wedding. Emily was hot in a "I could actually know her!" kind of way, and Ross somehow captivated her too.
Along the way, Ross managed to hook up with an extremely hot scientist named Charlie, who was not only smokin' hot, she was also interested in his nerdy-side. While we all suspend disbelief, since no such character actually exists, assuming one did, once again, Ross banged her.
All of this completely ignores Ross' first wife, Carol, who was no slouch herself. She was made exponentially hotter when it was revealed that she was a lipstick lesbian with Susan, who -- imagine this -- was also kinda hot. Figures, right?
As you can see, TV is entirely made up. In reality, I think Ross would be dating a co-worker - someone in his field - who was totally average looking and mostly boring. It's not that I think David Schwimmer is ugly, it's just that Ross is such a pain in the ass, I can't imagine him every actually dating any of of the girls he supposedly dated.
Up next, we'll examine Brandon Walsh's dating history and why even though people think Dylan is "the man," if you had the chance, you'd much rather be Brandon for the ladies alone.
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America's Got Talent, a show that is in its second season here in the US, is a much better reality competition show than ratings juggernaut American Idol. Here are 5 reasons why:
1. The "nice judge" isn't useless
Sharon Osbourne, who has replaced Brandy as the middle judge, is generally the "nice" one on America's Got Talent. Space Cadet Paula Abdul serves the role on Idol. The thing is, Abdul is useless. Abdul is a cheerleader at best, and utterly worthless at worst. When pressed, she offers up condescending comments like "Pretty girl!" She generally has no constructive criticism for the contestant.
Osbourne on the other hand isn't as much nice as ladylike and tactful. She'll gently offer a "no" with a "thank you," and you'd believe that even though she hated your act, she'd be happy to serve you tea. She's a breath of fresh air, and she's likable, and most of all, she's able to form complete sentences.
2. The "mean judge" isn't so mean
Cranky Simon Cowell is part of American pop culture for good. But in recent season, he's just as useless as Paula Abdul. Cowell usually conjures up comments like "utterly horrendous" and "dreadful" without so much as a blink. But that offers NOTHING to the show. A judge OUGHT to say something like "Your high notes are off pitch" and "when you focus on melody, you lose your connection to the audience." It's rare he offers up legit critique, and when he does it, it's snotty, such as his comments about season 6 contestant Chris Richardson's nasally vocals.
Contrast that with grumpy Piers Morgan, who is often a disrespectful, snobby jerk. The thing is, more often than not, he can at least offer up some justification for his pissiness.
Where Cowell seems annoyed to be there, Morgan seems like a harsh critic, which is okay in my book.
3. AGT showcases the good, AI focuses on the bad
The endless auditions of American Idol are entertaining, and many people tune in just for that part, often because it's so funny. But isn't it telling that America Idol, a show dedicated to finding the greatest singer, spends so long and so much camera time on cretins who can't sing a note? With the rise of douche bag Ian Benardo (who is such a putz he doesn't even get a link!), it's become fashionable to ham it up to get on camera. What a sad state. Idol spends very little time on discovered gems and very much on asshat contestants who couldn't get a tuning fork to ring on key.
American's Got Talent, on the other hand, focuses primarily on people who actually have talent. There are very few people who are terrible, and those that are are usually either people with weird or unconventional talents - arguably, still talented - and are generally still entertaining. Take last week, yes, we had to deal with "guy who breaks things with his butt," but we got ubercool singer/beatboxer Butterscotch, whose audition song has been in my head all week.
4. AGT has variety, AI has little
American Idol has no variety at all. They tried to use a "rocker" with Bo Bice three year ago and Chris Daughtry last year, and they try to always have a soulful black woman and a few other stereotypes need annual reps. Too often, like this most recent season, Stephanie Edwards, Sabrina Sloan, Melinda Doolittle, and LaKisha Jones were all competeing for the uncoveted title of AI "diva." As a result, the audience revolted, and eliminated the two former names early. Thankfully, by making everyone sing similarly styled songs, you grant an advantage to people who can stand out. However, you also lose your edge. It forces people like Chris Daughtry to reinvent themselves when they don't need to. Daughtry's multiplatinum album does not feature a broadway cut, a country cut, etc. AI is about singers performing outside their range. But ultimately, it's just people recycling other songs, usually in a way that pales to the original.
America's Got Talent, on the other hand, doesn't force people outside of their comfort zone. The goal is simple: showcase what you can do. Yes, you must continually step it up if you want to continue to impress. But isn't that good?
5. Contestants aren't ridiculed (as often)
The biggest downside of American Idol recently has been the way they have not only made fun of people that deserved it. There was "The Hotness." There was the kooky Darwin Reedy. But what of poor Nick Zitzmann? Here's this poor sap's myspace page. Did he deserve the "ultimate nerd" treatment? How about Jonathan Jayne and Kenneth Swale, aka the "bush baby?" Is it really ok to make fun of people who are honestly nerds or possibly even have some sort of syndrome or disease? Is that what we've come to, mercilessly making fun of people for cheap entertainment?
This isn't just a search for a great singer, it's a search for entertainment at others' expense. You could argue that if you try out, you deserve a response. But I'd say that if you aren't offering anything constructive, a "no, thank you" would suffice. I'd suggest that it's ok to tell a dancer "you're too heavy and you don't get enough height when you jump" but it's not ok to say "you look like a bush baby" to a singer in a singing competition.
America's Got Talent is about finding the best talent. Aside from the obvious zaniness, in most cases, the people actually have talent, and it's just a case of "is it interesting enough?" What you're watching, even through auditions, is people trying their hardest and doing something well. It's all entertaining.
Conclusion
America's Got Talent is, for the most part, positive TV. American Idol professes to be about offering someone an amazing chance. And while it's great TV, AI is really, at best, a sham. It's not a "singing competition;" the judges critique the dress, the contestants' looks, their hair, their audience connection. It's not about singing. America's Got Talent is, mostly, about talent. Yes, it's true, when the audience connects, that bodes well for you. But in the end, Talent is better, smarter, nicer TV. And despite two British judges, I'd venture to say it's actually more American.
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>> My New Lost Theory 2008-05-09 15:13:57
Tags:
Haven't thought this out too much, but here's the gist of it: Richard Alpert, Charles Widmore and "Jacob" were passengers on The Black Rock, and for some reason, are unable to die. John Locke and Michael were also passengers on the same ship, but again - for an unknown reason, they are in some sort of time loop or reincarnation cycle so that they don't realize who they are. We know Michael can't be killed. And it looks increasingly like Locke can't either - he survived as a premie, despite the odds, he fell 8 stories and survived, and was shot by Ben. Locke may even BE Jacob, but it's irrelevant, the point is, the survivors of The Black Rock are duking it out for control of the island. Not sure what to make of Christian Shepherd just yet - he may be another passenger on the Black Rock, but I think it's more likely he's just the form Jacob is currently taking, or possibly the form future- or past-Locke as Jacob is taking. Also, I don't think Ben is a passenger. If he was, he would not be so helpless now. No, he knows the backstory, and realizes "his time" is not only over, but it never really existed.
I suspect it will eventually be revealed that Widmore is both Magnus and Alvar Hanso.
I'm just piecing this stuff together on assumption, not proof. But I think we'll see some serious stuff revealed soon, because these types of reveals won't explain much, and yet, will explain everything. Is Locke's mother "Emily" the same woman as Ben's mother "Emily"? Is Christian Shepherd more than a hallucination? Does "moving the island" mean moving it geographically? Or will all of this be revealed to circumnavigate the bendiness of time?
Because that's where all of this is going. Time is the key, and if time is pliable and actually bent, nothing is certain. It explains how Richard Alpert is everywhere, he can go back later and be right on time. It's how Ben is so powerful. It's eventually going to explain Adam and Eve, Christian's empty casket, Desmond's flashbacks, etc.
It's all very exciting.
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>> American Idol: Worst Season Ever 2008-05-07 16:59:40
Must the judges continue to lick David Archuleta's balls after every single song this "Aw shucks!" nerd delivers? His silky smooth voice hasn't found its niche, except perhaps as a second rate Michael Buble/Josh Groban. Archie never met a run he didn't like, I can't remember the last time I heard the dude sing a melody. Is he so "cute" and non-sexually threatening that no one dares critique his completely boring adult contemporary ballads lest he not become a marketing machine to pander to 14 year old girls? Yuck.The reason I think this season stinks is because through the entire season, I have only had one "gave me chills" performance: David Cook's take on Lionel Ritchie's "Hello." Everything else pales in comparison.
Usually, there are songs that make me shut up and songs that can give me pause as I think "this is awesome." There were several great moments - I loved Carly's "Crazy On You," and I really dug Jason Castro's "Hallelujah." Many will rally for some of Chikeze's performance during Beatles week, but for me, I can count the "Wow, cool!" moments on one hand, and the "gave me chills" moments number just one. And while Syesha gets better and Cook solidifies his fan base, tweenage girls everyone should prepare to be let down by AI7 Idol winner David Archuletta's utterly dismal first album.
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235 view(s)
>> The Problem(s) With American Idol 2008-04-29 12:46:21
EW.com is running a piece on possible changes to American Idol. American Idol is - as we speak - jumping the shark. Everyone is trying to predict why. I'm going to give you all the reasons right now. ## 1 ##
First and foremost, as Howard Stern said in his broadcast yesterday, too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Idol used to be one hour for the contest, 30 minutes for results. This season, it was 2 hours for the performances, 1 hour for results. The results shows are way too long, way too cheesy, the divisions are contrived, the call-taking is stupid, the banter is obnoxious and worthless, and the results are purposely not revealed until the last 2 minutes. In the beginning of the season, it aired thrice a week in 2 hour specials, requiring a SIX hour commitment. And most of the funny "bad" auditions are now from actors trying to be bad to get on TV, making it mostly worthless. Recently, the performance shows have slowly scaled back in time, but should just be performances. Which leads me to...
## 2##
The guest judges are mostly worthless. It used to be they were actual judges. Now they are "coaches." But those bits are worthless to me, because I'm judging the singing, not the singer, and the producers are making the contestants into people, thereby making the show a popularity contest. That means the winner is not the best singer (as evidenced by Carly's recent ouster), but rather, the one who inspires the most phone calls. And since it's mostly younger people calling and texting, the winner is really just whomever 14 year old girls like, explaining the continued success of the entirely mediocre, completely clumsy "Close-eye" Archuletta, a semi-decent singer who continues to receive over-lauded praise for completely average performances, frequent lip-licking, and lots of awkward laughing. Time to return the general themes like "the 1990s" or "country" or even "anything at all written in this decade." But instead, we get "Mariah Carey." Yuck. You do not need a special coach every week. In fact, I'd like to see a singer sing something like they might release. I don't see most guys singing Mariah Carey songs on their albums. Certainly Andrew Lloyd Webber was a fun coach, but what does being able to - or not being able to - sing his music have to do with being a deserving Idol?
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The judges are completely worthless, even Simon. The judges ought to offer CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Unfortunately, this is what we typically get:
Randy: "It was only a-iiight fah me, dawg. It was only a-iiight. It was pitchy in the front, but you kinda worked it out in the middle, I don't know if it was your best performance."
Paula: "Blah blah blah, I'm @#% crazy and make no sense. You look pretty. Blah blah blah."
Simon: "Dreadful."
Entirely worthless. I can't remember the last time I heard something like "you need to focus on annuciating better" or "you should try listening to the words of the song a little closer to get a better connection." How about "You project really well. I'd like to hear some power in your higher notes though"? The judges should be wholesale replaced. They all are completely and totally tired, boring, and empty. They do no good. Their only job, it appears, is to pimp the producers' predestined candidate.
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Stop allowing unlimited votes. Period. Limit it to 10 votes per number. Or 1 vote per household. Or 2 texts per phone. Something, anything, to prevent speed dialing tween girls from monopolizing the vote. I know, I know, they are your target, since they are the only ones dumb enough to buy your pre-packaged, vanilla, over styled, dumbed down package you'll eventually call the Idol, but you condescend to us and we lose interest. We all know when someone has been chosen by the producers to fail and when someone has been blessed by Mr. Lythgoe to succeed.
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Last but not least, get rid of your silly "mosh-pit." The screaming and over-abundance of teenagers just reminds me, and a large part of your audience, that we are not your target, and we should really be moving on to a new channel IINS.
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>> Damn, Dustin Diamond is a Douche 2008-04-14 14:06:31
Somehow, I'm embarassed to admit, I got sucked into watching VH1's Celebrity Fit Club this weekend. Normally, I find the show to be an uninteresting train wreck. Over Christmas break, a few of us were sitting around in front of the TV and I caught several episodes in a row where Dustin Diamond, the guy who played Screech on Saved By the Bell, mouthed off to the drill seargant and got himself the title of "bad boy." To make a long story short, he became a pain the ass by continuing to eat cheeseburgers and generally annoy everyone throughout the "season." He also made a very loud and obnovious point to pimp his sex tape - yes, seriously - at every opportunity. Fast forward to this weekend, when they are airing "Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp." In some weird twist, they have "brought back" some previous contestants (read: cheap Omarosa-style publicity stunt) to revisit the Fit Club. Now, unlike a show like The Biggest Loser, where contestants work out, eat healthy, live on set, and lose up to 12 to 15 lbs or more each week, these celebutards are given fluff goals like 1 or 2 lbs to lose each week, and they routinely fail because it's a joke: they show up for a day or two each week, they eat whatever the hell they want, regularly talking about how they fell short, and admit to working out a day or two each week. It's not a "fit club," it's a few attention-starved chunky idiots who can't stick to a diet.
Anyway, leave it to worthless Dustin Diamond to start his princess behavior again. After carrying on, he let the "drill seargant" get to him when he quit...again. He quit one challenge before it started. He quit another when he claimed to be "out of lung capacity." Then he skimped on a third the WWE "Divas" hosted. He claims they pushed him too hard and then, when the drill seargant said he wanted the WWE Divas to kick his butt, he suggested he couldn't be a party to an illegal threat of violence. But the part that kills me is how Diamond is suggesting that he's being targetted because he's Jewish and not because he's en effing pansy. He's a whiny, arrogant, big fat baby and he acts like a spoiled child who needs to be shipped off to military school. Every insult - for which these shows are known! - prompts a phone call to his lawyer or to his "manager" (aka his wife). It has nothing to do with being Jewish, Dustin, it has to do with being a grade A douche bag.
Dustin Diamond is effing worthless. He, much like the previously mentioned Omarosa, should never be allowed on TV again. Reality TV may be the crack of programming, but there are some people who are best left completely ignored. Dustin Diamond is one of them.
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>> Some Thoughts on LOST 2008-03-07 09:55:22
Is it possible that Widmore is the developer of a large scale weapon (the black smoke) and that Benjamin Linus is not the enemy we all have envisioned, but rather, a wary do-gooder hippie type afraid that Widmore will destroy the island in the process? Could Ben be protecting the island? Is it possible that his secrecy is because he knows that anyone, anywhere, under any circumstance, could be a Widmore spy? If Ben knew and understood the evil of Widmore, he might not trust ANY of the Losties. In fact, if this were the case, imagine the big reveal when we find out that one of our own is, and always has been, a Widmore spy! What if it were revealed that Bernard or Juliet or Sawyer was undercover the whole time? Better yet - Sun's father has worked with Widmore, Jin works for him... could Jin be the one?
Ben seems to have some evil ways, but if he knew that someone intended to purge the island to resume development of the greatest weapon the world has ever known, he might be suspicious of everyone - even in his own camp before the crash of 815.
Here are some random mysteries that need further explanation: the 4 toed statue, Richard Alpert not aging, the Hostiles pre-Dharma, "The List," Jacob, Walt, the Dharma project and all of its research, The Black Rock and why Widmore wanted it, who Alvar Hanso is, who Tovard Hanso is, who Magnus Hanso is, their connection to the island, how Lenny (the guy who shared the numbers with Hurley) got off the island how Libby factored into everyone's life, why Kate says Aaron is her son, and about 200 others.
We've got a long way to go, but slowly, things are beginning to unravel.
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>> Reviewing TV 2007-11-13 13:35:09
So the Writers Guild is on strike, and scripted TV has a definite drop dead point. All of your favorite shows are just burning off their remaining episodes and then: nuttin'. Reality TV, game shows, and good, old fashioned reruns. So, I've started cutting back on some TV. First to go: Las Vegas. Las Vegas had a good run a few years ago, but now it's just trash. The scripts suck, the interaction is infantile, the characters are flat and pointless and often annoying, and the premise is so fatally flawed it's laughable. Also, I wish somebody would shoot Delinda already, she's the most annoying character on TV. So Las Vegas got the boot from our DVR.
Next is Grey's Anatomy. Admittedly, this one is primarily due to my wife - I would have dropped this show mid-way through season 2 if it wasn't for her. In the meantime, the show is absolutely horrible. Meredith is the whiniest, second-most annoying character on television, and needs a good slap in the face. George is lame, and Izzie is utterly annoying ever since the "I ate an entire tub of butter" speech from last season. Christina is cold and uninteresting, the Chief is one dimensional, Callie is a mess. In fact, the only characters I don't absolutely despise are Sloan and Bailey, but they are pretty much relegated to minor side-roles.
By all accounts, everything about Prison Break should disqualify is from my like-list. It's got plot holes so big you could walk in, dance a jig, have a drink, smoke a cigarette, and walk out with no one noticing. The entire premise is silly and should never have lasted longer than one season, if that. And yet, I'm addicted. Despite the fact that a company who knows no limit on spending, rather than simply buying a man out of a corrupt prison with totally corrupt guards in a foreign country, would rather find a wily fugitive, track him down, put him into said prison, let him devise an escape plan in 4 days and pray he gets your man out. Did they not realize it took Michaels many months, along with what surely was several thousand dollars in tattoos, to break out of Fox River? But alas, I love it. Even though it's got plot twists for the sole sake of screwing with the viewers, I dig it.
Heroes was losing it until recently and the House staff shakeup is getting a little tiring. In my opinion, the best show I now watch is Criminal Minds on Wednesday nights. It's not even close to my favorite. I prefer The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Howard Stern weekly sneak peek on Mojo... hmmm.... all shows that are primarily improv!
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>> Heroes: It All Makes Sense! 2007-11-12 23:54:32
Ok, so the first 8 episodes of Heroes were mostly a letdown, but -- oh boy! - did tonight's episode, entitled "Four Months Ago" make up for it! It explained everything, perhaps a little too late, but actually had a good, solid, believable explanation for things. Peter's "amnesia?" This "Elle" character? Nathan and the burn-faced dude? Niki and her crazy antics? The "twins"? Everything -- explained!
Tim Kring, well done. Now - please!! - keep it up.
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>> Heroes' Sophomore Slump 2007-10-31 16:17:25
I'm not the only one wondering where the heck the excitement is with the TV show Heroes. Entertainment Weekly's TV Watch has been tearing it up lately. They directed me towards a "Heroes" feature article that was recently posted. Last season, I was vocal about where "Heroes" succeeded and failed. This year, of course, is no different. Heroes, where it was cool last year, is just dull this year. We have several storylines, but none are advancing with any meaningful devices. Let's examine:
* Mohinder is working with HRG to infiltrate the company. He gives them Molly, and they... uh... lie her down in a bed.
* Nicki is working with the company because... uh... I have no idea. They want to help her, or something, but I don't know what they've done other than make her a bit of a bodyguard.
* The "twins" are the most hated new characters - the Paulo and Nicky of "Heroes," I think - but I find the whole power between them kind of interesting. Too bad their "coming to America" plotline has gone on about 4 weeks too long.
* Sylar lost his power for unknown reasons we'll likely never be told, but is still so ridiculously and obviously evil its comical.
* Micah is still a complete tool who is way too positive for a 12 year old and is still using his powers for... nothing in particular -- hacking pay-per-view and stuff.
* Monica has a "photographic muscle memory ," and one of the first things she does is pick up from supporting her family and go to New York to "train," no doubt leaving her family hungry.
* Peter is the least convincing of all. I know if I had amnesia and woke up and found my entire life in a box, I'd probably ditch my whole life for a 50% cute chick and not bother Googling my name. That way I would never have to find out that my brother is a New York state senator. Also, I wouldn't suspect there's an interesting back story with the FIRE THAT SHOOTS FROM MY HANDS.
* Matt Parkman is professionally annoying and is creepily attached to a little girl he's known for 36 seconds.
* Nathan Petrelli is a drunkard; apparently, senators don't do publicity and no one recognizes him.
* Claire is kinda hot and actually has the most convincing storyline, along with her a-hole friend West, who behaves more like a real person than anuone else in the entire show.
* HRG has suddenly decided the best way to hide is to trek around the world and murder his ex-mentor in order to find the paintings that show his demise. When he finds them, he can't make heads or tails of them.
* Someone sent Veronica Mars after Peter, but she didn't find him in the first 10 seconds, so they recalled her. Haven't seen her since.
* Who can forget Hiro, who has the silliest story of all. He goes back in time and finds a nasty drunkard theif, who, despite the fact that he's known a Japanese girl for about a day, goes to the enemy when Hiro kisses her. Lame, get Hiro back to present day. Anyway, if I could bend time, even though I went back to ancient Japan, wouldn't you just return to the present when you finally do come back so there is no "gap" when you're missing??
Heroes had better coalesce quickly, because it's currently just wandering aimlessly. Once your story is just filling time, which I think this one is, you've losing people's interests. The fact is that this story is creeping along at a snail's pace in order to fill a season. Viewers don't appreciate that.
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>> How Did Ross Do It?? 2007-09-27 13:58:56
Every season or so, I change my DVR to record a different sitcom for late night viewing - a show I watch as I fall asleep. Previous sitcoms include Seinfeld, King of Queens, The Simpsons, Frasier, and Newsradio. Recently, I went back to Friends. Like most of the above shows, I watched Friends when it was on, but a few years ago I felt like I had seen them all too many times, so I removed it from the Tivo. I just phased it back in and I'm puzzled by one question: How the hell did Ross get such good looking girls? We all know he ended up with Rachel, so let's start there. Um... WHAT? You're telling me that the best Rachel, who, by this point, was a succesful lady in the fashion world, could do was... Ross? One look at this twit in his eighties college getup, one earful of his horrible organ music, and any self-respecting woman would run.
Ross may have ended up with Rachel, but shortly after he got her pregnant, he somehow attracted the gorgeous Mona? Mona only dumped his ass after he lied about his marriage history, lied about Rachel's pregnancy, and then asked his pregnant ex-wife to move in to his apartment. Rightfully... thankfully... she dumped him and went back into the dating pool to date someone more on her level. Mona was a lot of fun and a good sport, too, so Ross had no business dating her.
When Ross took a pregnant Rachel shopping for baby furniture, Katie, upon learning that he liked dinosaurs, said he reminded her of Indiana Jones. She then shamelessly came to his house and asked him out on a date. Even when she learned that he lived with Rachel, she was still interested. Did I mention she was played by the stunning Rena Sofer? Man, this was the biggest break from reality ever attempted on friends.
Somehow, goofy-ass Ross managed to land Elizabeth, a witty college student whose father was Bruce Willis. Elizabeth was also loads of fun, and she was even in that college-age mynx stage. Too bad Ross was such a limp moron and didn't just enjoy this affair while it lasted.
Inexplicably, Ross managed to land Bonnie, played by Christine Taylor. God only knows why this girl would go for whiny, annoying Ross, but apparently, she found his dinosaur tales amusing, or something.
We mustn't leave out Emily, who Ross married -- well, until he spouted off Rachel's name at their wedding. Emily was hot in a "I could actually know her!" kind of way, and Ross somehow captivated her too. Along the way, Ross managed to hook up with an extremely hot scientist named Charlie, who was not only smokin' hot, she was also interested in his nerdy-side. While we all suspend disbelief, since no such character actually exists, assuming one did, once again, Ross banged her. All of this completely ignores Ross' first wife, Carol, who was no slouch herself. She was made exponentially hotter when it was revealed that she was a lipstick lesbian with Susan, who -- imagine this -- was also kinda hot. Figures, right? As you can see, TV is entirely made up. In reality, I think Ross would be dating a co-worker - someone in his field - who was totally average looking and mostly boring. It's not that I think David Schwimmer is ugly, it's just that Ross is such a pain in the ass, I can't imagine him every actually dating any of of the girls he supposedly dated.
Up next, we'll examine Brandon Walsh's dating history and why even though people think Dylan is "the man," if you had the chance, you'd much rather be Brandon for the ladies alone.
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>> 5 Reasons America's Got Talent is Better Than American Idol 2007-06-23 12:03:46
America's Got Talent, a show that is in its second season here in the US, is a much better reality competition show than ratings juggernaut American Idol. Here are 5 reasons why: 1. The "nice judge" isn't useless
Sharon Osbourne, who has replaced Brandy as the middle judge, is generally the "nice" one on America's Got Talent. Space Cadet Paula Abdul serves the role on Idol. The thing is, Abdul is useless. Abdul is a cheerleader at best, and utterly worthless at worst. When pressed, she offers up condescending comments like "Pretty girl!" She generally has no constructive criticism for the contestant.
Osbourne on the other hand isn't as much nice as ladylike and tactful. She'll gently offer a "no" with a "thank you," and you'd believe that even though she hated your act, she'd be happy to serve you tea. She's a breath of fresh air, and she's likable, and most of all, she's able to form complete sentences.
2. The "mean judge" isn't so mean
Cranky Simon Cowell is part of American pop culture for good. But in recent season, he's just as useless as Paula Abdul. Cowell usually conjures up comments like "utterly horrendous" and "dreadful" without so much as a blink. But that offers NOTHING to the show. A judge OUGHT to say something like "Your high notes are off pitch" and "when you focus on melody, you lose your connection to the audience." It's rare he offers up legit critique, and when he does it, it's snotty, such as his comments about season 6 contestant Chris Richardson's nasally vocals.
Contrast that with grumpy Piers Morgan, who is often a disrespectful, snobby jerk. The thing is, more often than not, he can at least offer up some justification for his pissiness.
Where Cowell seems annoyed to be there, Morgan seems like a harsh critic, which is okay in my book.
3. AGT showcases the good, AI focuses on the bad
The endless auditions of American Idol are entertaining, and many people tune in just for that part, often because it's so funny. But isn't it telling that America Idol, a show dedicated to finding the greatest singer, spends so long and so much camera time on cretins who can't sing a note? With the rise of douche bag Ian Benardo (who is such a putz he doesn't even get a link!), it's become fashionable to ham it up to get on camera. What a sad state. Idol spends very little time on discovered gems and very much on asshat contestants who couldn't get a tuning fork to ring on key.
American's Got Talent, on the other hand, focuses primarily on people who actually have talent. There are very few people who are terrible, and those that are are usually either people with weird or unconventional talents - arguably, still talented - and are generally still entertaining. Take last week, yes, we had to deal with "guy who breaks things with his butt," but we got ubercool singer/beatboxer Butterscotch, whose audition song has been in my head all week.
4. AGT has variety, AI has little
American Idol has no variety at all. They tried to use a "rocker" with Bo Bice three year ago and Chris Daughtry last year, and they try to always have a soulful black woman and a few other stereotypes need annual reps. Too often, like this most recent season, Stephanie Edwards, Sabrina Sloan, Melinda Doolittle, and LaKisha Jones were all competeing for the uncoveted title of AI "diva." As a result, the audience revolted, and eliminated the two former names early. Thankfully, by making everyone sing similarly styled songs, you grant an advantage to people who can stand out. However, you also lose your edge. It forces people like Chris Daughtry to reinvent themselves when they don't need to. Daughtry's multiplatinum album does not feature a broadway cut, a country cut, etc. AI is about singers performing outside their range. But ultimately, it's just people recycling other songs, usually in a way that pales to the original.
America's Got Talent, on the other hand, doesn't force people outside of their comfort zone. The goal is simple: showcase what you can do. Yes, you must continually step it up if you want to continue to impress. But isn't that good?
5. Contestants aren't ridiculed (as often)
The biggest downside of American Idol recently has been the way they have not only made fun of people that deserved it. There was "The Hotness." There was the kooky Darwin Reedy. But what of poor Nick Zitzmann? Here's this poor sap's myspace page. Did he deserve the "ultimate nerd" treatment? How about Jonathan Jayne and Kenneth Swale, aka the "bush baby?" Is it really ok to make fun of people who are honestly nerds or possibly even have some sort of syndrome or disease? Is that what we've come to, mercilessly making fun of people for cheap entertainment?
This isn't just a search for a great singer, it's a search for entertainment at others' expense. You could argue that if you try out, you deserve a response. But I'd say that if you aren't offering anything constructive, a "no, thank you" would suffice. I'd suggest that it's ok to tell a dancer "you're too heavy and you don't get enough height when you jump" but it's not ok to say "you look like a bush baby" to a singer in a singing competition.
America's Got Talent is about finding the best talent. Aside from the obvious zaniness, in most cases, the people actually have talent, and it's just a case of "is it interesting enough?" What you're watching, even through auditions, is people trying their hardest and doing something well. It's all entertaining.
Conclusion
America's Got Talent is, for the most part, positive TV. American Idol professes to be about offering someone an amazing chance. And while it's great TV, AI is really, at best, a sham. It's not a "singing competition;" the judges critique the dress, the contestants' looks, their hair, their audience connection. It's not about singing. America's Got Talent is, mostly, about talent. Yes, it's true, when the audience connects, that bodes well for you. But in the end, Talent is better, smarter, nicer TV. And despite two British judges, I'd venture to say it's actually more American.
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